The Giggle Factor

sky_cameras_1291526aThere are times when I wonder how many Sevco fans get scared when they read what’s on this website.

For sure there are times when almost all of them get angry.

There are articles when I know that some of them must do both.

That a lot of them read this site is not in dispute.

Some of them do it for the same reason I used to read Richard Littlejohn. He pissed me off, and on certain days I went there out of a desire to be offended.

This is a bizarre, but undeniable, human trait.

We like to rant and we like to moan and we like to indulge people who make us do both.

Others do it because they know I tell them the truth.

They might not like it, but we all need to confront things we don’t like, inconvenient facts and such like.

I welcome those people.

First group and second.

The last article I posted was about King’s statement regarding Rangers fans “outspending Celtic supporters”, where I crunched the numbers and presented the facts.

I know that cheesed a lot of their fans off royally.

It also un-nerved some of their supporters, those who listened to King’s glib and shameless nonsense, heard his exortation to go out and spend like Posh Spice on speed and probably thought it was going to be simple to do … not knowing how great the gap was.

And that gap is huge. Celtic fans have outspent theirs for 13 of the last 15 years … and not by small amounts either.

I understand why reality and facts might have bothered them somewhat.

Yesterday I read a very amusing article on one of their sites where someone had gone out and diligently researched the TV viewing figures for Scottish teams.

The piece was constructed to present Sevco as Scottish football’s biggest television draw.

Now I’m not saying that article was written in response to mine, but it seems like something that might have been provoked by the discussion, a wee bit of alternative point scoring.

If it is, then it’s a poor one.

Now, before I continue, I’ll tell you that I am not here to find fault with the hard numbers although I suspect they are slanted slightly.

The bottom line is that I am willing to accept the premise that for the year in question Sevco were Scotland’s most watched football club, at least as far as the television audience goes.

Furthermore, they probably have been for the last couple of years.

Oh those numbers are clearly hiding a lot of stuff, like when the games were played and what was being broadcast on the other channels – the kind of things that can wildly skew the figures one way or another – but I trust them as far as they go.

There’s just one teensy-weensy hair in the soup if you’re a Sevconian.

They’re missing the reason so many people were watching.

I know that matters to them. Because otherwise, what’s the point in the article?

What those numbers represent, to me, is that a lot of us (and yes, I include myself) tuned in to watch their games for a right good laugh.

I call it The Giggle Factor.

Now I know that advertisers don’t care about that, but Sevco aren’t paid by the viewer and so neither do I.

The TV cash is spread through all the clubs; they get no special privileges just because I’m tuning in.

Sevco fans will holler that we are obsessed.

Regular readers to this blog know how hilarious I find that particular comeback; it’s a bit like being mauled by a new-born.

But no matter. I am neither here to argue their logic or indulge in their superiority fantasies.

I am simply here to clarify the position.

I’ve tuned in to watch a number of their games over the last couple of years and I know Aberdeen fans who did and Hibs fans who did and Motherwell fans who did.

I know supporters from every club in Scotland just about … and a lot of them watched Sevco these last couple of years who had never watched Rangers in their lives. Celtic fans have been tuning in in great numbers.

We did this because at times it was too funny not to.

For who can forget the pathetic flailing of Black in midfield, or the sight of Ally doing his nut on the side-lines, in the midst of his imitation of a football manager?

Who can forget the songs of praise from the Sevco support, drawing at home with the likes of Alloa, and making it clear to the board, the manager, and the players how appreciated their efforts were?

Football in this country can be such serious stuff at times.

A lot of us watched Sevco for the sheer humour of it, for the way their matches nearly always generated a right good laugh.

Let’s face it, for a club that’s spent the last three years in the lower leagues they don’t half take themselves seriously.

Even the notion that they are Scotland’s most watched club is said with a sense of pride that is wholly misplaced when one places it in context.

It’s up there with those “biggest ever attendance at a fourth tier match on a Wednesday night when a crisp packet hit the referee in the 21st minute” boasts you used to get from them.

It’s a pointless boast; a bit like winning those “coveted” Scotland’s Best Sports Journalist awards.

In the real world, it means precisely nothing.

In the same way that Keith Jackson ain’t ever gonna work at The Guardian, good TV figures don’t make Sevco an SPL class club and nor do they plug the hole in the balance sheet.

It’s “we are the peepil” all over again; the supremacist chant of working class guys without an arse in their trousers.

I don’t usually praise the SFL, but I do have to express my gratitude to them for fully funding this live comedy routine for the last few years.

Some of it has been funny enough to make my sides hurt, and I think a lot of Scottish football fans would agree with me.

What’s equally funny are the numbers of Sevco fans who have been absolutely swept away in the enthusiasm of the Warburton debut, their 6-2 monstering of Hibs who came out of the traps looking the better team and finished the game looking like the shell-shocked veterans of Bastogne.

Some of the more excitable Sevconian’s have labelled it a “world class” performance.

Well, I watched the game, hoping for an early season fit of the giggles, and that’s not quite how I would have described it.

It was a match characterised by shocking defensive errors and Stubbs’ failure to get to grips with the opposition’s tactics.

This is not a one-off, either.

I knew McCall’s Sevco team would beat them at the first time of asking last season even before the match kicked off, when McCall went five across the middle and Stubbs refused to alter his tactics accordingly.

I like Stubbs but something tells me he’s not going to last the season.

The result should be seen in the context of a shambolic defence, chronic tactical decisions and a club who’s preparations had been upset by the public pursuit of their best player.

The Ibrox horde are loving it, loving it, loving it … they really do believe they are on their way to challenging Celtic.


How many more lessons in humility do they need before they understand that everything has changed?

Pride comes before a fall, or so the proverb says.

It’s one that’s been proved at Ibrox over and over again.

Of course, the euphoria of a single result, and the continuing fantasy that they are still a massive club – and the article on their TV audience is just one manifestation of that, as are these “world class performance” comments – all serve as suitable distractions from the main event, which is the King boardroom’s struggle to find the external funding they require to get through the season.

The laughter hasn’t stopped on this side of the city.

I will continue to chronicle their every failure to bring in the money.

I will continue to laugh as every bubble inflates and bursts.

And I will continue to watch Sevco matches as long as there is a chance of seeing them humbled and humiliated.

If they ever get their act together, I will stop watching.

Because I don’t want to see that.

It lacks the Giggle Factor.

Which brings me to my final point.

Sevco fans tend not to bother overmuch with Celtic games.

How does that song go again?

“Same old Celtic. Always winning.”

If they were the biggest club in the land, unchallenged, unrivaled, untouchable by our team … well, I wouldn’t want to see it either.

They can’t stomach how big that gap between us is.

They certaintly don’t want to watch it.

I can’t hold that against them.

Sevco fans; in your quest to stay relevant … well this was a poor one.

You really must do better.

(I’m a full time writer and the support of my readers is what keeps me goingr. If you like what I do, and are able, and want to support the work the site does, you can make a donation at the link. If every reader was able to donate just £5 a year that would keep the site going strong well into the future. Many thanks in advance.)


James Forrest

James Forrest is a writer and blogger from Glasgow, and the author of two books, Fragments and Believers, which are available on Amazon.

6 thoughts on “The Giggle Factor

  • 28 July, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    What I found really funny was the pride in the fact the sfl actually paid to broadcast their games, whithout the slightest irony in the fact no one would pay hard cash to broadcast their pish!

  • 29 July, 2015 at 8:47 am

    Point well made FOGgy, and the slanted, even warped, prism through which the Sevco blogger views the TV viewing figures is further evidence of the delusional world which they inhabit.
    The result against Hibs though, whether predictable or not, was a bit of an eye-opener.
    Credit where credit is due, I suppose, except that they can\’t get any.

  • 29 July, 2015 at 11:49 am

    The Germans have a word for it: Schadenfreude.

  • 29 July, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Ive necer watched them never will umless its against us, maybe the reason they are watched more is because the new club fans are still not sure about payimg to go and watch them so just watch on tv to see if they are what they are told and maybe thay will go to see one day but enough tall off them anyone give me some info about getting rid of sky and gettimg a android box

  • 7 August, 2015 at 12:06 pm

    Rangers FC 1872 don\’t take your sad, bitter ramblings seriously. Your rants about financial steroids were utter delusion and Rangers have proved you wrong by targetting youth. It\’s Celtic with the huge wage bill who use financial steroids to buy success. Scraped through against minnows to face more minnows in Malmo. Business as usual for the luckiest team in football.

  • 7 August, 2015 at 12:18 pm

    You know what I love most about your contribution TF?

    The obvious pain in it.

    I’m luvin it luvin it luvin it.

Leave a Reply

error: Content is protected !!